Tears

Apparently, the time of tears has arrived.  Graduation has not yet happened, but the floodgates have been opened.  I wish that I wasn't such a mess.  I wish that I were the type of person who could pull myself together well enough to be able to say really elegant goodbyes and last words.  But I'm not that person.  I'm the person who falls apart.  I cry.  All the time lately.  But the  more I think about it, the more I realize that my tears are not something to be ashamed of; they are a beautiful gift.

I think that tears are such a tangible way of showing people  how much they have meant to me and how greatly impacted I have been by the people who induce my tears.  My soul has been so deeply filled with the living water of Christ that has been poured into me by all of these friends, residents, mentors, and family members that I am preparing to leave behind.  It's like I don't know how to simply tell people that, so my tears are my way of showing people small glimpses of the fact that the living water in my soul has been because of them.  These tears would not be present if it were not for the waterfall moments inside my soul and for the well that has been continuously replenished to overflowing by all that has been these past 4 years. 

I pray that my uncontrollable tears really would be a testament to the impact that others have had on me.  I hope that as my tears fall, you would know that it is because you have meant so much to me and I will miss you very much.  There is no way for me to speak these intense emotions.  I don't know how to express it with words, hugs, gifts, or a big thank you sign in a way that would do it justice.  So I cry.  And I pray that my tears would speak louder than words and pictures and notes and long hugs.  My tears are the only appropriate response that I can find. 

So, to each of you who have invested in me, whether with small drops or entire lakes, I am eternally grateful for you.  I am sorry that i cannot find a way to say goodbye that is easier.  Tears are painful.  But I think that it would be much more painful to not have any tears.  I would much rather have an overflowing well that spills onto others instead of one that is isolated, dry and cracked.  Thank you for the living water that you have so graciously given me. 

Joyously and Tearfully looking forward to graduation tomorrow,
Emily