"Nothing is Impossible." This is a phrase that has been ingrained in my head ever since I was a tiny tot. I had the immense privilege of growing up in a home and community and school with people who believed in me and who took the time to invest everything that they had into my life and my success.
This week, my heart has been heavy. I officially became a summer school teacher on Monday. I have 19 entering 6th graders in my classroom, and it is my job to teach them the math that they were supposed to have learned in 5th grade so that they can continue on and make it to and through 6th grade (and the grade after and the grade after and to college and to careers). I came into this week very naive. I thought that I would just get to have fun and practice my teaching skills in front of real students. But this is NOT practice. These are real students with real needs. It is my responsibility to teach them the objective that they need to go into 6th grade. I have 4 weeks. Each child had to take a pre-assessment test so that we can track their summer growth goals, and my class average is 30%. The best student in my class received a 53%. And this is material that they were supposed to have learned in this past year. They are so behind and I so desperately want to be the one who can inspire them and push them toward success. But it is such an overwhelming task.
Yesterday, my objective was to teach students to order fractions and decimals from least to greatest. (5/8, .8, 2/3, .61). I taught them the steps: 1)convert fractions to decimals, 2)put the decimals in order using the number line, 3)convert the decimal back to its original fraction. They knew the process. They could repeat the steps back and explain it to me. But as soon as I began the guided practice section, I realized that there was no way they would reach their assessment goals for that day because they did not know how to divide. My 6th grade students do not know how to do long division. How in the world am I supposed to prepare them for the 6th grade if they do not know basic skills that they were supposed to have learned in the 3rd grade? I left my classroom and began to cry because the situation feels so hopeless and I felt so defeated.
My heart just breaks for them because I know that they also desperately want to "get it." But nobody has ever stopped to take the time and explain it to them in a way that makes sense. I'm not blaming the past teachers or parents or any individuals; it is the way that our society is set up. We are so obsessed with the labels of success and achievement that these students continue to get passed up along the grades not actually knowing the material that they need to know to truly be successful. They need our help. They need our time. They need our attention.
Yesterday, we started this thing called Academic Intervention Time for an hour in our school day. This hour is devoted to tutoring and helping kids to "get it" in a smaller group setting because there are 4 teachers in the classroom with our 19 students instead of just one of us. It is definitely my favorite hour of the day. I taught my students how to divide yesterday. It was beautiful. I was absolutely enthralled by watching their thought processes as they attempted to drop down zeros and add decimal points. This is why I wanted to be a teacher. This is why I'm here. I hope and I pray that my students reach their summer growth goals and move up to the 6th grade, but nonetheless, they will improve as learners and scholars. My dream is to instill confidence in them that they are smart enough and capable enough. I feel so honored that I get to be the person to give them some of the skills that they need to do tasks like divide and recognize prime numbers. I wish that my job could consist of teaching in this way always.
And this leads me to the BIGGEST news of all. I OFFICIALLY HAVE A JOB TEACHING 5TH-8TH GRADE SPECIAL EDUCATION at HAZELHURST ELEMENTARY in Hazelhurst, Ms (about an hour south of Jackson) at the same school as one of my best friends, Rachel who will be a kindergarten teacher there! This was the best answer to so many prayers that I have been praying for so many months with so many different people. I don't understand why God continues to choose to be so good to me, but I am so grateful. I would be able to survive these next two years if I was a high school math teacher or if I was living on my own, but I know that I will be such a better teacher if I am surrounded by a strong support group and community and be able to teach something that I am passionate about. I know that it will be hard and that I know absolutely nothing about all of the demands of special education and what it means to live in such a small and rural town in Mississippi. But I cannot wait to partake in Kingdom work in this way.
But right now, life is about my summer school students who need to move up to the 6th grade. I hope and pray that my time, efforts, passion, drive, expectations, encouragement, teaching skills, and love would matter over these next 3 weeks. I pray that these weeks would matter and that the impact we have here would last for much longer than 3 weeks.
For those of you who continued to read all of my word rambling, thank you.
Excited to sleep,
Em
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