it is good.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" is one of the most common and overly asked questions of all time.  It's that question that people ask because your answer supposedly defines what type of person you are, how successful you will be, and what type of impact you will have on this world. 

Over the last 20 years, my answers have included anything from Newser (anchor woman) to Miss America to a Supreme Court Judge.  But throughout the myriad of answers I've given since I was 2, there was always that one constant answer that seemed to thread itself in and out of any phase that I was in.  I want to be a teacher.  It was the answer that always came into my mind, but also the answer that I constantly tried to push away in hopes of finding something "more."  I used to think that being a teacher was a great back up plan if I couldn't find something more challenging and more extreme like living in Vietnam or owning my own orphanage.  "Just being a teacher in the states" was always my safety back up plan.

Funny.

Now I'm here.  I am a 7th/8th grade Special Education teacher in Hazlehurst Mississippi.  I have taught for exactly one month now.  I have spent 20 days in the classroom.  And trust me, nothing about this life is safe or comfortable.  But that is the life that I have signed up for.

On most days, I catch myself dwelling on all the things that this life is not.  I become frustrated and upset at how unfair this world is.  I cry myself to sleep at night thinking about some of the injustices that were piled on top of my precious children.  I become infuriated at the fact that everyone else has seemed to give up on my kids.  How do I combat 12-15 years of negativity and neglect and bad behaviors and poor choices?  This life is not easy.  I am not good at this.

But I'm done dwelling on what I wish this life could be and on what this life is not.  I am deciding to choose joy.  To see the beautiful amidst the brokenness.  To find the hope where all seems lost.  I am learning that grace and peace do not just appear; we must fight for them. 


This life is not easy, but it is good.




p.s.  this is our new favorite quote that was found on the back of a soap bottle:


life is a classroom.
we are both student and teacher.
each day is a test.
and each day we receive a passing or failing grade in one particular subject:
grace.
grace is
compassion,
grattitude,
surrender,
faith,
forgiveness,
good manners,
reverence,
and the list goes on.
it's something money can't buy and credentials can't produce.
being the smartest, the prettiest, the most talented, the richest,
or even the poorest can't help.
being a humble person can,
and being a helpful person can guide you through your days with
grace
and
gratitude.