Writing to Redeem

The following is a post that I never published at the beginning of last May:


Henri Nouwen, my favorite spiritual master next to Jesus, states, "Quite often a difficult, painful, or frustrating day can be "redeemed" by writing about it.  By writing we can claim what we have lived and thus integrate it more fully into our journeys."  I love this quote because I think that it is beautiful and very true, but it also worries me.  I think that my lack of writing has had a lot to do with the fact that I am too afraid to claim this new life that I live.  This is not what I signed up for, and there are a lot of days when I would much rather denounce it than claim it.

I was reading in Matthew last night, and I was reminded of the reality that the cross is not at all a glamorously stylish accessory like a lightweight handbag from Dooney and Burke.  There is glory and beauty, but only through the eyes of pain and sacrifice.  

In the midst of these tears, I am reminded of the beauty around me.  I look to my right and see that the tall, lush evergreen trees across from my house have been lit with a subtly glowing streak of light from the evening's change in pace.  There is something quizzically peaceful about living in a rural town where it is much easier to focus on the natural and God-created goodness because our eyes are not so distracted by the tall building and city lights, busy streets and calendars.  I am reminded that God intentionally formed Hazlehurst.  He envisioned these trees and birds and deer and water-colored evening skies.  My God and Savior has been in Hazlehurst long before it had its name.  Before these segregated churches, paper-thin houses and broken families, God was here. Is here.  Will be here.  His hand is in and through and all around this place.  I know this because His word tells me that it is true, but I am honestly having a hard time seeing it.  So I put it into my own words.  And I hope that by writing it, I can start to claim some of its truth.

As I get ready to leave this place, I pray for thoughts to be processed into words.  I pray for feelings and mood swings to make sense in reflection with new perspectives.  I pray for beautiful stories to spring from the hard, cold, dark places this year has led me through.  May this year be redeemed through words not yet formed.